Buried Tears


Words hurt

Looks hurt

Silence hurts

The unloved sound of my name

Hurts

The untouched skin of my hand

Hurts

Being there

Hurts

And not being there

Crying

Hurts

More than buried tears

Your hurt hurts

It shames me

I cannot change it

Just as you cannot change me

And so

Words hurt

Looks hurt

Silence hurts

The unloved sound of my name

Hurts

The untouched skin of my hand

Hurts

And crying hurts

More than buried tears




Just another pig


Subject name, race and height?

Pleading guilty? Not tonight!

Don’t give me shit with your big black gun

You’re just another pig out having fun

Identification? Search my thumb.

Solicitation? Don’t touch my bum.

Eye color, hair color, sex and weight?

If you want a conviction you’ll have to wait.

Sure, take my mug shot, front and side,

Give me a number and throw me inside

Like all the others who had no cause

But don’t pat me down with your sweaty paws

Cause I ain’t surrendering without a fight

And I ain’t pleading guilty, not tonight.

So don’t give me shit with your big black gun

You’re just another pig out having fun


Ars was a terrorist

Ars Bilson was a terrorist

Though he didn’t introduce himself as such.

He wore a carbuncle on the side of his nose

And a squint you could almost touch

Ars, I thought, like Art, is where I’ll find what’s missing,

And so I fucked him,

Though only his fingers

Because Ars had his mind on other things more incendiary

Like polarity

See nothing flows, I heard Ars say,

Until good is joined to bad,

Until the tongue of happiness licks the ear of sad.

This I can understand I nodded into his hand,

But not really

Two skinny girls accompanied Ars,

One a redhead, one a blond, and they rode Ars publicly in turn,

Ten seconds, twenty, seldom more

Ars said it cleared his head.

Now Ars is dead


To Leonard


You looked at me, I saw you,

You searched the room and found me.

I know you did, you know you did;

You saw me.

You asked my name then sang it,

Caught my eye and began it.

I know you did, you know you did;

I heard it.

You blew the words towards me,

Unerring words that tore me

From my hiding place of solitude

You knew just where to find me

And you did.

And I brought you ‘tea and oranges

All the way from China’

And we lay beside the river

Gently flowing, ever knowing

That your words were meant for me

And me alone.

And all around the crowded room

A silence fell, a hush of knowing,

For you were singing just for me

Of love as it was meant to be

They knew it.

You asked my name, they told you.

I wait at night to hold you.

They say that you’ll return and soon,

Till then I’ll wait here in my room

And wrap my heart in case it breaks

Addressed to you and you alone:

To Leonard


I was not what you wanted


I was not what you wanted

No matter how I tried

Reminding you by living

Of something that had died

I had no blood or tissue

Spawned from your own

No single spore or issue

You willingly gave home

But I had no other

Belief or place to run

No sister, brother, mother

No family, friend, not one

I was not what you wanted

What you wanted died

And knowing that so clearly

Leaves me dead inside



Where do birds go to die?


We see so many flying in the sky

But where do birds go to die?

Shake the trees late at night

Beat the hedgerows and shine your light

You’ll find no birds

Because there are none to be seen

Birds you see are part of our dream

Look in the mirror as you’re walking past

Why does the image fade so fast?

Examine the glass and you’ll find it’s clear

The image you saw is no longer there

It’s gone forever

There’s nothing to retain

For nothing about us stays the same

Good thoughts, like lovers, once they are had

Turn into others, too often bad.

Moments of laughter, fun and good cheer

Dissolve into sadness, pain and fear.

To live is to die

For death is living’s other name

Only in movies can we freeze the frame


It’s just the way of it


It’s not the guns that tell the story,

Not the calls to death and glory

For the ones whose blood must stain the sand.

It’s not the virgins in the sky

Or the mullahs who preach the lie

Not the faith that commands it

Or the leaders who demand it

Not the infidels from the West

Not even Allah’s final test

… It’s just the way of it

It’s not the hand you pressed in mine

As we swam in pools of sparkling wine

Chasing dreams we thought were ours alone.

It’s not the gifts I brought to you

Or the vows of love, however true,

The spilled seeds of barren lust

Or the ebbing tide of broken trust

That pulled us down and kept us there

Consumed by doubt, consumed by fear

… It’s just the way of it

And when we pass our stories on

Of hopes now faded, dreams long gone,

They’ll believe for them it won’t be so.

They’ll find reasons to explain

The cause of someone else’s pain,

Why love for them will be undying

And trust survive without their trying;

How the world that is and the world that was

Is made for them and that’s because

… It’s just the way of it

It’s just the way of it,

There’s nothing more

No dreams left over to hold in store

No past mistakes that can’t be undone

No last redemption, nowhere to run.

Lay down, surrender, and as you do

Try to remember that it wasn’t you

… It was just the way of it



What now (my phoney lover)


Suggesting we should part

Is not the best thing for my heart

Or saying it’s all for good

When I know that

I never would

If left to me

And I could have my way

So what now my phoney lover

What now my prince of easy come

My prince of easy go

Do you believe I can’t

Well of course I can

And should I try not to cry

Not to beg, not to die

Or even call goodbye

And find a lover

That I can trust

So what now my phoney lover

What now my prince of easy come

My prince of easy go

Do you believe I can’t

Well of course I can

Saying we’ll be the best of friends

As if that’s how love always ends

Is just like saying it never was

More than just pretence

Should I wave and call goodbye

And find a lover I can trust

And speak of you as my best friend

As if that’s how love always ends

What now my phoney lover

What now my prince of easy come

My prince of easy go

Do you believe I can’t

Well of course I can

What fine words should I utter

Confident without a stutter

As I walk away

What now my phoney lover

What now my prince of easy come

My prince of easy go

Do you believe I can’t

Well of course I can